Two days before I was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, I emailed a friend and described the experience of sensory overload:
“I’m flooded constantly by other people’s energy, by sounds, visual images, everything. I can walk into a room and feel all the emotional energy in the room, but it’s completely undifferentiated. I’m unable to translate facial expressions or body language. I’m unable to filter anything out. Everything comes in, but my brain can’t parse it fast enough…I become very disoriented and overloaded. I say too much, or stumble over my words, or simply feel paralyzed and mute.”
I’ve found that I experience sensory overload for the following reasons:
Delayed processing. A conversation with even one person can overload me. Because I can’t read nonverbal cues and intuit what the person is thinking or feeling, I have to depend solely on the meanings of the words themselves. Therefore, I have to analyze the words and formulate a response very quickly. After awhile, I start to lose track of the conversation, and I have difficulty knowing what to say.
The resulting anxiety can cause me to transpose letters and sounds in my response. At other times, I simply can’t remember the words I want to use. Occasionally, I become hyperlexic and start to do a monologue. However, I’ve learned through painful and embarrassing experience not to take over the conversation. It exhausts me, and it’s not exactly a wonderful experience for the other person.
Fortunately, when I get more familiar with a person and we’ve had a number of interactions, I find it easier to have a conversation. Subconsciously, I’ve put together all the experiences I’ve had with the person, and I can use them to more quickly interpret what he or she says. If the person has a good sense of humor, all the better. I can joke around once I’m comfortable with someone, and if both of us can laugh, it relieves a great deal of stress.
Difficulty filtering sensory stimuli. If I’m in an environment in which there are too many voices and other sounds, I become overwhelmed very easily. Too many moving visuals, such as a great number of people, buses, and cars on a busy city street, also have this effect. When the two types of stimuli are combined, sensory overload happens almost immediately.
Too much empathy. Yes. That’s what I said: Too much empathy.
For many years, I’ve been aware that when I walk into a room full of people, I enter into the experience of everyone in the room. It’s as though all the emotions come right through me. When this happens, I become very disoriented, so much so that I have difficulty feeling or thinking at all. I have tried shielding with my intellect, but the energy it takes is very draining. Whether I shield or not, I become very emotionally and physically fatigued.
I’m still discovering strategies to avoid sensory overload, to respond to the early warning signs, and to take care of myself when it happens. In upcoming posts, I’ll say more about the ways I’m working to reduce the experience of sensory overload.
© 2009 by Rachel Cohen-Rottenberg
Thank’s for writing such an insightful and amazing post. In particular, I’m fascinated by the difference between what I’d usually classified as a shutdown and sensory overload which, though obviously related, is quite different altogether.
Your point about too much empathy is interesting too. I suppose it depends a little on your definitions of empathy (I’m still trying to get my head around the concept). What you say though, is essentially correct. If you’re feeling the mood, emotions and experience of the room, then at least according to classical definitions, you’re empathizing.
I’ve discussed your post on my blog at;
http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.com/2009/01/article-sensory-overload-insiders.html
I hope you don’t mind.
I also DUGG it because I think it’s excellent. Your writing is brilliant. thanks very much for sharing.
There’s a book by Donna Williams called “Autism and Sensing”. It gives her own quite extreme account of the ‘sensory overload’ you describe.
I think we can learn to understand the ‘feel’ of all the information we are receiving, at least in some situations.
In more demanding scenarios, I have to readjust my attitude to take into account the disorientation.
It seems that regardless of the situation, if I stop thinking or making an effort, I just feel slightly confused, as though I’m suddenly unable to understand anything around me.
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Hi Gavin, and thanks so much for your kind words.
Regarding your blog, it’s fine to discuss anything I post. The more information we put out there, the greater the chance that someone will find it and realize that they’re not alone in having these experiences.
Very interesting to hear an insiders perspective on this. I can see how delayed processing and not being able to filter things out would cause sensory overload.
When you say “too much empathy” I think I know what you are referring to. Would you call it catching another person’s feelings but losing your own in the process? I wrote a couple of blogs on this myself.
Thanks for sharing your insights and perspective.
I am also interested in lack of empathy aspect of AS . I originally doubted my Dx because I thought that I not only did not have “no empathy”, but often had to much, which caused me all kinds of problems in my life . Such as not doing any type of work that I thought was harmful to animals, humans or the environment ….this was not from some abstract concept of morality but an actual physical nausea caused by inflicting any harm in these areas. Hearing/reading about even historical events such as the attempted genocide of Native Americans, would fill me with such despair that suicide seemed like the only way to escape the insanity of humanity .
I’m new to your blog and perhaps you have written more about this but, if not, I would love to see you perspective on how you experience this .
Angela wrote: ‘When you say “too much empathy” I think I know what you are referring to. Would you call it catching another person’s feelings but losing your own in the process?’
Yes, that’s a good way to put it. Sometimes, one person’s feelings can overwhelm me, but more often, I get overwhelmed by unstructured social groups in which lots of people are in many different states of emotion. If a group situation is structured and task-oriented, I have an easier time, as long as the group also stays focused.
When I was working full-time, my manager made me the facilitator of our weekly meetings because I found it immensely tiring when meetings went off track. I was very good at watching the process of a meeting and keeping things focused. As I look back on it, I realize that this ability to watch process comes from years of standing on the peripheries of groups, observing and analyzing social interactions–very common for Aspie girls and women.
Denise, take a look at my piece on Autism and Empathy from a few days ago. In it, I describe a childhood experience of having a visceral feeling of empathy with the suffering of others. I’d be interested in reading your comments.
Thanks again, rachel, from millie. As usual, you write so beautifully on issues that are so similar to my own as a woman with AS. what is the connection between those rambling monologues and hyperlexia? i get asked to do talks at my regional gallery and on tv and radio in my country and i pull out this stuff and i have no prior preparation for it. Lots of complex syntax and advanced verbal vocabulary with little or no preparation – always pertaining to one of my special interests. All the people i have worked with in the media have mentioned by rather uncanny ability to string unusual ideas together verbally and with great metaphorical and factual creativity. is this hyperlexic? i am interested in your input. thanks for being you – so honestly.
Oh God.. maybe I DO have Aspergers.
I know exactly how this feels! So much so that I prefer to live in the country so that the overwhelming ‘feeling’ of other peoples emotions doesn’t encroach quite so severely on my every day life.
Maybe I need to think about my son (HF-ASD) with different eyes. Maybe not lack of empathy – but too much? He has certainly surprised me before.
One day he corrected me when I said he becomes panicked in shopping centres.
“Im not afraid Mummy… they make me feel wild and free “
This is similar to how my aspie son describes being in a crowded room or public area. I think many parents describe their child’s autism as an illness because there are so often medically debilitating conditions that go along with it, but those aside, the debate rages over whether or not a cure for the “mental” or “emotional” symptoms should be something we strive for. Since my son is verbal, he can speak for himself: he would really love NOT to feel this way, and tells me so with great frequency. While I think we can all agree that if a child has gastrointestinal problems or other painful physical conditions, those should definitely be treated; for some reason there are those who argue against “fixing” the sensory overload aspects. My son clasps his hands over his ears whenever the smoke detector goes off, or the dog barks sharply; he puts his hood up in the mall or at the park when there are many people around, and puts on his headphones, in order to block out some of the input. Why does he do this? Because “it hurts.” By the time we get home, he is both emotionally and physically drained. I can’t fathom how difficult it must be to function in a world with enormous amounts of sensory input to which you are overly sensitive. Why on earth shouldn’t we try to find a solution for this? Right now, the best I can do is require my son to leave the house less, but I don’t want to stunt his growth and devlopment. I love my son exactly the way he is, but I won’t stop trying to reduce his suffering and increase his ability to function independently in the world in which he lives. If that makes me politically incorrect, so be it.
Hi silk, and thanks for your response.
I see no reason not to work on sensory overload issues with your son. You know best what will work for your son and your family.
I’m planning on making an appointment with an occupational therapist to do some sensory integration work and see whether I can reduce the amount and severity of these experiences. I don’t know how it will go, but it will do no harm to try, that’s for sure.
Hi Millie–I was using “hyperlexic” in the sense of “tons of words thrown out toward another person who has little or no room to reply.” I hadn’t known about the clinical definition before you asked and I looked it up. The clinical definition has more to do with precocious reading ability and difficulties with spoken language, so it shares some features of ASDs.
What you’re saying about being able to string seemingly unrelated ideas together and work creatively with facts and metaphors sounds similar to what I do. I think this has to do with our tendency toward using associative (rather than linear) logic.
Thank you for posting this, and thank you for your site. My son has cerebral palsy, is on the ASD, has sensory integration dysfunctions and has a myriad of other diagnosis. Your insight and willingness to inform the rest of us is incredibly helpful in understanding what our son is going through. I just read this post to my husband…I am who keeps him informed as well. So thank you for this information.
I found your site from a link from “Finding Normal”
Hi Mia–
Thank you for your kind words. I’m so glad this site is helping you and your husband understand your son’s experience of the world.
So often, people look at us from the outside and have difficulty understanding what’s going on inside. I’m very grateful to be able to describe my own process in order to be of help to others.
It’s good to read about the experience of other people who’ve been through the nightmare of undiagnosed aspergers – becoming aware that the rest of the world isn’t quite the same as us, but not having any framework in which the difference makes sense turns easily into a nightmare, doesn’t it.
I’m concerned about the item at the end of your list about empathy – you present the analysis with the same certainty you used about sensory overload, but I’ve a suspicion that what’s actually happening in your head isn’t at all the same. Perhaps your experience is different to mine…
I spent a fairly long period, prior to diagnosis, feeling that I had a handle on the people around me. It took a few turns of having my nose rubbed in reality before I got the message that I didn’t have a clue.
I know how you feel and what you are going through. You are not alone. I’m sure you feel that.
Catherine, it’s true. It’s *so* good to know that I am not alone in this. I’m amazed that after 50 years of thinking “I’m the only one,” I’ve found so many people who describe the same experiences.
I’m a newly self-diagnosed gay guy, soon to go for a formal diagnosis.
one of the things I’ve had the most difficulty with,reading about AS, is the idea of a lack of empathy of AS people. i certainly have problems with comprehension, but I’ve also had issues with ‘over-empathizing’, especially in my late teens and twenties (38 now). sometimes it was overwhelming.
I have been reluctant to tell my therapist about this, as the clinical diagnostic criteria feel quite rigid, compared to what I’ve been reading about people who HAVE had a formal diagnosis, and feel the way I do (and how Rachel does). One of the only reasons I can think of for me to get a formal diagnosis is to have access to help for adults with AS. there just doesn’t appear to be consensus on the variable nature of people with AS, and the effect coping mechanisms can have on how we appear. blah blah blah, not sure if I’m making sense.
thanks for the blog!
Ben
Hi Ben,
I’m also becoming more aware of a dissonance between what the “experts” say and what formally diagnosed people describe about their experiences. The problem may be that few experts are actually on the spectrum, so we are talking at cross purposes.
If you plan to get diagnosed, you should probably talk with an AS specialist. You instincts are right about being reluctant to talk with your therapist. Most therapists are not AS-literate. I tried talking with a therapist about it, and she told me I couldn’t have AS because, among other things, I could make eye contact and have a conversation with her. I got diagnosed by a specialist five days later, so I just chalked it up to learning by experience.
Rachel,
holy heck! my therapist said EXACTLY the same thing yesterday (eye contact, conversation).
i don’t hold it against him, but it surprised me. had to come home and write it down and make some lists
by the end of our session, my therapist did say that i had some AS traits, but that he felt that i’m such a bright spark has helped me to be aware of my difficulties, and develop coping strategies (i do work very hard at the eye contact, and not a bad conversationalist sometimes).
if i go ahead with a diagnosis, i will be going to an expert.
it was a new-ish friend that first awakened me to the possibility of having AS, and we both agree that some of these commonly accepted ideas don’t make sense in the light of our experiences and self-knowledge.
thanks for the discourse, very helpful,
Ben
Ben, interesting what you wrote about your therapist saying you’re a bright spark and that you have good insight into yourself. After I got the diagnosis, I wrote an email to the specialist, thanking him for the session and for giving me the validation I needed. He wrote back and said that I’d already figured it out myself using my intelligence and insight, and that he was glad to help.
I think this kind of insight often comes with the territory of being an Aspie, because we have to do so much thinking about ourselves and about the world to make any sense of it at all. For us older Aspies, it’s especially true, since we’ve had to cope on our own for decades before getting diagnosed.
If you go to a neuro-typical AS specialist for the assessment, he/she will probably be able to do this weird thing with reading nonverbal cues (perhaps you’ve heard of that?) and see past your coping strategies. The doc who assessed me was able to do that, and any AS specialist worth his/her salt should be able to do the same.
Re: Sensory overload. I have always had problems with eye contact, although I’ve been trained to do it. I can’t deal with more than one person trying to talk to me at a time. I don’t like parties, except for small get-togethers. I like children, but I sometimes find their demand for constant attention very draining. (I have none myself; not by choice but by life circumstance).
Rachel: you should read “Mrs. Dalloway” by Virginia Woolf, if you haven’t. The shell-shocked WWI veteran, Septimus Smith, in some ways resembles an Aspie. He is horrified that he thinks he can’t feel, but it is clear to the reader (and the narrator once admits it, in a very quick, easy to miss passage) that his real problem is that he feels too much.
Hi John, I read Mrs. Dalloway in college and I identified very much with the Septimus Smith character. I seem to recall knowing that he was flooded with feeling and sensation. I don’t know whether it was an early Aspie identification, the line in the book, or both.
My son’s name is Jake and he is 4 years old. Yesterday I took him to a pediatric neurolgist for the first time and we are in the early diagnosis stage of what makes Jake so special. He has been in speech therapy since he was two, but I’ve always had a feeling there is more going on. He has some fine motor skill delays (using a spoon, holding a pencil properly, dressing himself), still walks on his toes at times, hears but doesn’t ‘listen’ well and is very sensitive to the way food looks and smells – looking at food he doesn’t like will make him gag or even vomit. He plays well with a few close friends but generally prefers the relative calmness of adults than the chaos of children. He is also a very sweet and loving boy and is mostly pleasant, mild and non-aggressive. The casual observer might not even notice anything unique. So after our first session of observation and discussion, the neurologist cautiously observed that Jake appeared to be ‘low-toned’ and displaying some ‘sensory issues’. He felt it wasn’t Asperger’s, but I’m wondering if it it might be. While researching ‘low-toned’ I ran across this thread and the reference to ‘too much empathy’ strikes a cord. One of the most unique characertistics of Jake that started around 2 1/2 is that he would start crying whenever any other child would cry (including infants). He is still very sensitve and if a child is getting angry, throwing a tantrum or crying he sometimes also cries or gets very distracted/obsessed with the situation. His definition of a ‘good day’ at preschool is when ‘no one cried’. People use to think it was just that he is so sensitive and empathetic, but I often think it is more a situation of overload and that he is upset by the disorder that a random tantrum or infant crying presents. I guess I am posting this because this is the first time I’ve see reference to something that might explain his over-sensitivity, and am wondering if any of you feel that your feeling of ‘too much empathy’ is truly empathy, or more that the strong emotions cause you to feel chaos or something similar. Thank you for your insight as I work to understand my boy Jake, whom I love so much.
Hi Jake’s Mom,
What a beautiful piece of writing. Your son sounds like a very sensitive, wonderful person.
Regarding your question, my experience is that I empathize very deeply. For instance, when I read about people losing loved ones, I can start weeping. It just draws me in. It’s the same if someone is in pain. I instinctively want to go over and help.
Certainly, I can become overloaded just by hearing a lot of crying or yelling. Too much sensory input definitely causes me to feel very rattled and upset inside. But because I have a lot of empathy, the experience is made much more powerful, because I find myself going toward the person in distress, not away. That means that I’m open to a great deal more sensory overload than a person who is more shielded.
Last year, I was in a situation in which a lot of very fierce yelling was going on, and I started moving toward it. I recall feeling that people were in distress, and that I could try to understand and mediate the situation (which, realistically speaking, was completely out of the question). My husband saw what was happening, took my arm, and said, “Rachel, this way,” guiding me in the opposite direction. While I was moving away from the yelling, I became very disoriented, because my nervous system had been completely rattled by it. It was my empathy that had taken the lead, and my nervous system that paid the price.
I’m interested in what others have to say on this. People on the spectrum are so different; there really is no single answer to this question.
Hi, be comforted to know that the “lead” in pencils is graphite, not really lead. I don’t think the paint contains any, either.
but I know what you mean!
I LOVED it that I found out about my “aspie-ness” It was a major relief. I tell people that now I have been diagnosed, I can say I am “officially” peculiar! (-;
Hi,
It’s really helpful reading about other people with Aspergers too. Makes me more aware of things I’ve shut myself from. Thanks for writing your experience.
I totally understand the ‘too much empathy’. Initially I thought it’s due to my mum showing me how to empathise and when it’s expected. But now, I know it’s the feeling of chaos that makes me want to either stop it or run away.
I often get stressed going in to work in the morning because I don’t know whether everyone will be happy. I can almost feel suffocated by the still air when noone greets me as I walked into the room, trying to figure out if I had done something to annoy everyone the day before.
I’ve since learnt to initate the greeting and not to feel hurt when there’s no response.
Fascinating post.
My eyes (and face, and everything else pretty much) wander and don’t tend to stay still very long, so the uninitiated must be surprised that I ever spark off conversations with them. Much of it is because I am at university and most people there are – by virtue of being smart enough to get there, for it’s one of the better universities in the country – more likely to be accepting of intellectual company like myself.
I was bullied a lot at school, and much of this related to the fact I covered my ears to avoid the school bell (sometimes pre-emptively for periods of several minutes at a time, just to make ABSOLUTELY sure I wasn’t caught unawares…) – as well as other ‘weird’ behaviour. I actively avoided the crowds during breaks, and learned every nook and cranny of the school – and where the bells were and how loud they were, because about six types were used – in order to create safe escape routes.
My next school, at 16, was much better (quieter bells, better students, better ethos) and I started to thrive there. I’d also learned a few more coping strategies – like developing an interest in sport to open up more conversation and socialisation opportunities. However, the sensory issues still affect me. I do go to karaoke nights on a regular basis, but always with my earplugs on, frequently with sunglasses on to adapt to the lighting, and I usually go with the express intention of singing as many songs as I can and usually finding the quietest parts of the pub to reside in when I’m not singing. That, or wandering around everywhere, aimlessly, giving the impression of being a social butterfly when in fact I’m trying to filter everything out.
I don’t feel the same ‘empathy overload’ that some do, but it makes sense. My related problem is that when I notice (usually not instinctively but through logical deduction) someone has a problem, I take it upon myself to try and fix it, especially if there is a ‘rational’ way out of it. I’m an absolute magnet for friends with eating disorders as a result… which is a bit hypocritical as I’m underweight and have disordered eating patterns myself, although this relates not to any aesthetic desire but due to issues with certain food textures…
I really shouldn’t be posting here, as I’m definitely NT – although widely considered “peculiar”
I’m addicted to your blog, Rachel, so I hope you’ll forgive me.
WHY the fixation on empathy?? I realise that lack of empathy is considered a distinguishing factor in ASDs … but it’s such a woolly word. It has a plethora of dictionary definitions, only loosely united by a general sense of “understanding how another person feels”. Understanding itself, though, could be variously interpreted as “ability to compute”, “comprehension” or “identification with”.
I think you could get lost forever in contemplation of what, exactly, defines empathy. I suspect the need to get it defined is something of an Aspie trait – hardly surprising, when it’s supposed to be such a big feature in your condition!
When I am depressed or similarly compromised, I sometimes experience the sensations you describe of being swamped by other people’s feelings. It’s quite alarming. There are expressions to describe this, and they’re not “empathy”. Social hypersensivity would be one or, if you have the sensation of sharing the others’ feelings, that’s emotional contagion.
I hope I’m not being offensive. I just wish so much importance weren’t attached to such an amorphous word.
Thanks again for your glorious writing.
Cherry, you’re welcome to post here. There are other neuro-typical people who do.
Regarding the empathy issue, if I had the power to take the word “empathy” off the table completely when discussing autism, I’d do it. Believing that autistic people are without empathy (or have impaired empathy) is basically suggesting that we’re sociopaths. Of course, there are autistic people who are sociopaths, but that’s a co-morbid condition and NOT a feature of autism. After all, there are neuro-typical people who are sociopaths, too, but no one suggests that it’s a feature of neuro-typicality.
Correction. I should have said: Social hypersensitivity would be one or, if the others’ feelings seem to transfer themselves to you, that’s emotional contagion.
There are some interesting discussions about how emotional contagion differs from empathy – and the difference boils down to theory of mind.
I can no more explain precisely what “theory of mind” is than a musician can describe to me how s/he hears an entire orchestra in their imagination. I understand what the musician is saying, and I believe they can do it. But my mind is not equipped that way. I simply appreciate the difference in styles of thinking. After all, there are other things my mind can do, which theirs can’t.
And this, I guess, is why the furious debate about “empathy” in Aspie writings seems like such a waste of energy to me. It’s sort of equivalent to my insisting I can hear the imaginary orchestra.
I can’t hear 40 musical instruments in my head. But my imagination can, for instance, design a room without needing grids or colour charts. That’s pretty handy. So why would I bother arguing over the orchestra thing?
Shouldn’t we celebrate our differences?
Cherry, I think it’s important to understand that when neuro-typical people say that they have a “theory of mind,” they mean that they have a theory of *neuro-typical* minds. With the exception of the Intense World Theory, I haven’t read much by NT “autism experts” that reflects anything close to an accurate theory of an autistic mind. Not even close. And that makes sense. We can understand and guess at the state of mind of people whose minds work like ours. It’s just basic common sense.
Hello, Rachel, we posted at the same time! Thank you for taking the trouble
Yes, the E-word causes a whole lot of trouble, doesn’t it?! I wouldn’t have thought lack of empathy = sociopath, though … In antisocial personality disorder, the person has plenty of awareness about others’ feelings – and uses them to their own ends.
There’s certainly an absence of “empathy”, in the sense that your sociopath doesn’t give a damn about the other’s wellbeing. But that, itself, is NOT a definition.
Perhaps we’re saying that empathy is taken to mean the same as caring? Not so! You care
It’s time to make up a more appropriate word, Rachel, isn’t it!
I don’t know enough about this; I’ll have to keep exploring! What you posted from the Intense World Theory made poetic reading & I look forward to finding out more.
I’m not ready to accept that NT minds can’t “understand” autistic minds. I’m willing to find I’m wrong, of course, but right now I suspect the main reason for non-understanding is lack of knowledge.
As you know yourself, a lot of arrant twaddle has been written about autism (by both autistic and non-autistic authors, IMO). That’s why you, and other gifted autistic writers, are so important.
Mutual respect always starts with dialogue, in one form or another. I think you’re making a valuable contribution to a long-overdue conversation
Thank you, Cherry!
This actually makes a lot of sense to me. I have Asperger’s and am empathic. One thing that I’ve realised is that I’ve always been sensitive to how other people feel, but if I was feeling bad, I wouldn’t want other people to come talk to me about it, so I do the same to them. Because of this, I’ve often been told that I am insensitive (or an “insensitive jerk” sometimes).
As far as how I think the sensory overload relates to empathy is that a lot of people on the autism spectrum probably do have too much empathy. But like stimuli that comes in from touch, taste, sound, smell and sight, we don’t necessarily know how to filter it out effectively. It’s like going into a small room and having ten people talk at you, all at once. That’s how I explained the feeling of being in a classroom during an exam to a neuro-typical friend of mine. Not only is there the sounds of people tapping their pencils or writing (or breathing!), the smell of body spray that people wear, the flickering of fluorescent lights (etc), but also all the nervous energy that people are emitting because it’s an exam.
I am pretty much incapable of understanding someone talk if there is too much noise (usually other people talking) around, and too much random noise or flickering can give a meltdown real fast. I was horribly bullied because the bullies knew how too push my sensory buttons and they could get away with it because the stuff they did didn’t bother anyone else, so my complaints were dismissed as whining until I was finally diagnosed when I was 15.
As for Empathy, IMO claims that we don’t have it are beyond ridiculous. I was teased as the “sensitive boy” when I was a kid because I became hugely upset when something bad happened. When my physically disabled friend was raped several months ago I was an upset weepy mess for a long time afterwards and was paranoid about her well-being. If that’s not Empathy I don’t know what is.
Hi, I’ve been doing alot of reading up on Asperger’s. I’m about 90% sure I have AS – the rigid, fixed routines, obsessive interests in a few specific areas, physical clumsiness, social akwardness, feeling drained dealing with settings where there are crowds, traffic, noise. Part of me really wants to find a therapist (doctor?) who is familiar w/ Asperger’s but another part of me is nervous about being open about my life experiences. I tend to be a very private person and often unless I trust an individual its hard for me to be gut level candid.
I can really relate with what the one poster silk said of her son being emotionally and physically drained. It seems that for me this has been getting worse recently. I’m super glad I don’t have to drive to work anymore, but I’m finding public transit can be almost as stressful. Often, in the evenings when the train is very crowded I find myself having heart palipitations, headaches or tightness in my chest. Some evenings I reach a point where I just want to scream, jump out of the train, run home, lock the door and hide. I liken it to flicking off a light switch – I simply reach a point when I think “I’m done!”
Shopping is a similar experince for me. I simply refuse to shop in the middle of the day – I can’t fathom dealing with the crowds, the traffic, it makes me completely nuts! Instead I’ll get up a 5 in the morning to fetch my groceries.
With regard to the issue of empathy I find that I can turn this off or on. I can be extremely understanding and sympathetic in certain situations; yet in others I get very angry and impatient. Again I liken it to clicking a light switch. Generally I find myself much more understanding of kids and teens than adults. I have this (prehaps very unrealistic) expectation that adults should know certain things – for example how to say “please” or “excuse me” in social situations. But then I tend to be very much a perfectionist and, as such I am extraordinarily critical of both myself and others.
Anyway, thanks for everyone who shared here and for me being able to share what I am experiencing as I struggle to make sense of what can sometimes be a very wide range of emotions and frustrations. Hopefully I will be able to find a therapist who can help me explore whether I have Asperger’s and how to learn to cope with my issues.
Hi David,
It sounds like you’ve found a lot to relate to! Feel free to post or email with questions as you go through the process of getting a diagnosis.
This is very well written, and I would like to thank you for making me feel slightly less alienated; most of the web searches I have come across have been about stopping (your child from) stimming, and, well, I don’t want to because I don’t know how else to calm myself.
I find myself stimming frequently, although I have a few different ones such as jumping (and it’s been getting worse since the weather doesn’t permit going onto the trampoline in the Autumn) and pacing, as well as a few other less obvious ones such as blinking. Usually, someone will comment on the blinking, and the pacing is pretty obvious when I stop to think about it.
Rachel,
Thanks so much for your fantastic post. My 13 year old son was diagnosed with As years ago and I chanced upon your blog while researching the “low muscle tone” condition. The lack of empathy symptom never fit in our case and IMHO your description hit the nail on the head. Both my wife and I have said exactly the same thing about ourselves as well as our son. I wanted to offer the following link – a paper published by the Heartmath institute.
http://www.heartmath.org/templates/ihm/downloads/pdf/research/publications/the-resonant-heart.pdf
It’s a bit off of the mainstream, but they’ve done some fantastic work. Without getting into spirituality, their research has shown what may be a quantifiable link to the emotional “energy” we’re discussing as empathy. It’s interesting when you start looking at the “equation” without the brain as a focus.
I blog about my AS and it’s gifts and difficulties. Check it out and let me know if you’re interested in doing a guest post. I’d appreciate having another Aspies writing on my blog. E-mail me and let me know. allie_shrimp_000@yahoo.com
Allie.