Comments on: Women, Girls, and Asperger’s Syndrome

By: Julia

Julia — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 05:17:47 +0000

After reading your response to Simon Baron Cohen’s book on “evil” I decided to look at most of the rest of what yo have written; so far I am very impressed and I feel that you really do understand the me that was before Paxil. Nearly everything you talk about above fits me to a T. I lost my maternal friend in 3rd grade so I dove into books like The Black Stallion to escape the pain of having no friends. I suppose I was philosophical and analytic when I forced myself to try to understand the NT world, but I still was interested in nature and had many Golden Guides that I memorized. I collected toads, frogs and lizards and friends so I was quite a Tom-boy I guess. The soap opera thing: I hated the cruelty among the people so I stuck with Science Fiction/fantasy like Jainene “That’s when it’s time for a nice bit of science fiction (my version of “soap operas” because ***I always felt like the alien***).” Starred area = ME 100% Why is it that Tony Attwood captures us so much better than Simon Baron Cohen? Is SBC that attached to his systematizing of us?

By: Isabel

Isabel — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 11:08:17 +0000

Oh – and I was very quiet too. I often felt embarrassed when people pointed it out. At school it wasn’t noticed so much, but in my family, people were always saying “¿Porqué ella no habla?” “¿Porqué ella es tan seria?” “¿Porqué ella es tan callada?” (“Why doesn’t she talk?” “Why is she so serious?” “Why is she so quiet?”)

Now, if you think “aspie” girls are not noticed, I think it’s even more for “aspie” Latina girls. If we don’t talk NO ONE will notice. We are invisible as a culture already, unless we commit a crime. For us to be quiet is just the thing that the mainstream United States society wants from us.

Living in two cultures can make it hard to figure out the not fitting in thing. In my family, people kind of thought I was a freak for liking to be alone. But I thought oh that’s a Dominican thing – in white families no one would mind if I liked being alone.

By: Isabel

Isabel — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 10:57:10 +0000

Excellent. Will share this with family therapist who seems to only know about (stereo)typical male AS presentation.

I did like soap operas – mostly ones in Spanish in my house. I also loved reading novels from an early age, probably for the same reasons. (On the other hand I was also very good at math.) I was a little philosopher too (and one of my daughters is also). I felt I was alone and in the sidelines all the time – like there were things going on that I was being left out of. I was also drawn to maternal friends – and found that in high school and college other girls wanted to sort of mother me even when I wasn’t looking for that (as if they felt I could not handle the world by myself). On the other hand, I have often fantasized about some sort of ideal mother, and I think I sometimes put this on my women friends. It was hard being the oldest in my family because I was called upon to guide my 4 younger siblings when I always felt I did not have a clue. I longed for an older sister.

I used to take on personas a lot and had that feeling that I was “fake.” I’ve always been a mimic. Even in my work environment, in my 30s and 40s I found myself constantly looking for someone to model after in social interactions. (I would think of problematic social situations and ask myself, as a way to cope, what would So and So do? How would So and So act in this situation?)

People have always told me – up to even a few weeks ago – that I approach things in an intellectual, thinking, abstract way. I don’t even know I do this. It makes me feel embarrassed when they say this, like I don’t know how to be a real person who doesn’t think too much. (At the same time I’ve been told that I’m too emotional and irrational – go figure.)

By: Kellie

Kellie — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 23:22:06 +0000

Thank you so much Ever since i’ve been diagnosed I have not been able to accept my aspergers because I was comparing myself to males with aspergers I kept saying maybe I didn’t have it. Thank you for finally making sense. By the way I watch soap operas all the time too and I still can’t understand why people are not direct it makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever.

By: Rachel

Rachel — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 00:57:24 +0000

Hi Jainene,

Good to hear from you, and welcome!

By: Jainene

Jainene — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:30:43 +0000

I happened upon this post while searching for blogs about females with Asperger’s Syndrome. Finally, it’s good to this stuff from someone else. My brother and I both have AS, but I was never noticed because of my ability to acquire social skills. I had to protect my brother, who wasn’t as observant. We also moved around a lot when I was a child, so I never tried to model myself on others, because I always filled the “outsider” role anyway. I acquired the “mother-friends” in my middle school and high school years; they themselves were part of a very understanding, neuro-diverse home-school co-op that I attended. It was a real blessing from God.
I agree about being “little philosophers” too. My socially-necessary obsession turned into a degree in Cross-Cultural Studies. I find safety and security being in a field where it is acceptable to be constantly learning new social conventions and comparing them with existing ones.
Even so, I do get exhausted so much by all of the social confusion that people create, and all the noise they make. That’s when it’s time for a nice bit of science fiction (my version of “soap operas” because I always felt like the alien).

By: Soph

Soph — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 22:19:01 +0000

This is really useful. I’m recently self-diagnosed. I do have keen interests but not “special interests.” I recently converted to Christianity and I’m fascinated by the social relationship aspect of the faith.

By: Quirky Mom

Quirky Mom — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 03:39:45 +0000

This is a topic I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, especially as I’ve been traveling the last week amongst quite a few Aspie males. At first I was confused by how different they were from my daughter and I, and then I started piecing out the differences and similarities. What you’ve written here is spot on with my observations. The experiences of the last week are something I hope to write about soon…

By: Ben

Ben — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 16:01:31 +0000

as an AS male, i have to say that we, or at least, i, do most of these things as well, and at different stages in my life. i’ve been a wicked mimic when younger, picking up accents unconsciously, as well as mannerisms from real people, and unfortunately, TV people. argh.
i no longer feel like a fake, but went through many emotional years feeling just so.
it sounds like brown-nosing sometimes, and i don’t praise easily, but i really appreciate your writing all this stuff down, Rachel. thanks

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 09:23:27 +0000

Great blog-post.
Coincidentally I had read the same part in Tony Attwoods book but hadn’t properly picked up on what he wrote (until you explained it here.)

My daughter does that too- cognitively analyses social interactions, and philosophises.

I misunderstood that as being a non-Aspie thing.

My daughter however, is the “maternal” friend of two younger children that would possibly otherwise be outsiders. The friendships are never-the-less just as real as those of other children.