Comments on: Toward a New Sense of Belonging, Part 3: Avoiding Past Mistakes

By: Sharon

Sharon — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 04:07:30 +0000

This series on belonging so resonates with me. I could have written every word of it. Your point #4 “Trying to do everything “right” so that I will be accepted.” captures exactly my life story. I have read and studied more self-help books than should be allowed by law. When I finally realized that all those books were NOT written for me. They were written by NT’s ~ For NT’s ~ it really freed me from the shame and guilt I felt at my failure to be successful in the many organizations to which I have tried to belong over the years. There is a saying amongst the NT “positive thinking” crowd ~ “fake it till you make it”. Well I faked it till I had a total breakdown. It was then that I realized that I would never “make it”, and it was then that I began to accept my Aspie self and to design more reasonable goals for myself.

By: Taylor Selseth

Taylor Selseth — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 20:44:57 +0000

Social hierarchy and office politics goes right over my head. It has severely impaired my ability to hold a job full-time without a job-coach or something similar because I always end up doing or saying something perfectly constructive that goes over badly with the supervisor’s ego or violates some unwritten rule of deference.

By: Saja

Saja — Thu, 21 May 2009 19:36:02 +0000

Another wonderful post. I love this line in #5:

“Unfortunately, what I consider bullshit is just basic social reality for most people.”

So true for me, too. And I completely, utterly resonate with #4. It is *so good* to find someone like me out there.

By: millie

millie — Thu, 21 May 2009 10:34:05 +0000

so good to read rachel…especially the brief description on the poor working memory which at this moment resonates with me, and also the futility fo challenging the status quo re organisations and hierarchies or the communication of issues or problems that conflict with – what is for us – very clear breaches in democratic fairness, social justice issues and egalitarianism!

My life is littered with examples of whistle-blowing and honest attempts to highlight concerns about unfairness. What I am learning is that whilst my perspective may be pure and rather correct in an ethical sense, the fundamental issue is that most people do not give two hoots and value social cohesion,the preservation of status roles and the maintenance of the status quo ABOVE and BEYOND the issues I might raise. Time for me to stop the challenging, the solutions based suggestions, time to stop the “fight.” I am tired.

I do not understand the world and its machinations. The longer I go on knowing and understanding my ASD, the more I am learning to let go of some tendencies you highlight in this section of your blog. As I write tonight, my exhibition opening is on in Sydney. I am supposed to be there, but a combination of flood water rising in my region and a loathing of such events means i sit alone with the laptop while many many people attend my exhibition in Sydney. I feel a mix of sadness and relief and failure at not being there. I am the great NO SHOW- er….The avoider. This is the reality of my ASD tonight. I cannot do the things other people can, sometimes. oh well.

By: John Dale Lyons

John Dale Lyons — Wed, 20 May 2009 15:09:05 +0000

I identify with every word you wrote, right down to the supermarket fiasco.

By: James

James — Wed, 20 May 2009 13:37:32 +0000

Your observations about organisations who have got something wrong could be written about me.
In my case, the organisation is more often than not my work place, and this has over the years caused me quite a few problems.

There is something in my head, however, which doesn’t let me leave whatever the issue is alone – it just gnaws at me too badly. Then my broken executive function says “yes – send that angry email – it’s fully justifiable”.

I’ve really enjoyed this series of articles, Rachel. Whilst I picked out the above example, the whole series has been full of little quirks and traits that describe my own personality very well too. It’s comforting to hear others experience life in a similar way to me.