Comments on: The Waiting Game, Part II: Help! Did I Screw Up?

By: Crystal

Crystal — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 22:23:02 +0000

btw, I haven’t been reading your site for very long (a couple of weeks?) and I’ve only recently discovered that I probably have Asperger Syndrome (not getting an “official diagnosis” until the Fall, if then), but I think you’re awesome.

That is all. Just wanted to let you know.

By: Crystal

Crystal — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 22:21:37 +0000

Hi! Okay, seriously, I definitely don’t think you “screwed up”. You are who you are. People, yes, have misconceptions about Autism and Asperger Syndrome and some of those people are going to (RUDELY! Pfft, and they say WE’RE rude) simply not respond to you at all because of those misconceptions. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t tell folks about it though, especially as it’s something that is affecting you in a really enormous way. I mean, this is an IDENTITY thing, you know? You’re still doing that whole “Okay, so this is who I am, and this is who I’ve always been and I haven’t necessarily known it, and I’m okay with who I am. Am I okay with who I am? I THINK I’m okay with who I am. I love this and this and this about me, and omigosh THIS wasn’t because I was stupid or lazy and hey! There are some good things in this Aspie place!” dance. But I mean, how can you NOT share that?

And the people who are worthwhile are going to accept that, because they accept YOU for who you are. I think there’s more reality in this sentence than in so many things I’ve heard lately:

“I also know that if the response is negative, it will actually be a good thing, because at least I’ll know that I should put my energy elsewhere.”

It SUCKS to have people judge you, and it ESPECIALLY sucks to have them misunderstand you (and THEN judge you), but some of them are going to do it… and that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be real, or should be ashamed and hide who you are. This is you.

By: LizzieK8

LizzieK8 — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 15:36:45 +0000

Funny…I was so excited I finally had a name for all my weirdness. And I’d already given up on people in general so it wasn’t that big a deal for me. About 80% of those I did tell, immediately told me I was wrong. Maybe they didn’t want to associate with an autistic person.

Most NTs though, don’t know what to do. They think autistics are head bangers, have huge public noisy meltdowns, etc., and they certainly don’t know what to do about them and don’t want to be around them. They think that now there is a name for it, it means the behavior of the individual sharing this info will suddenly change.

And truth be told, they don’t want to know because if they have abused the autistic, or even thought about it, it now makes them a “bad” person. “All this time I made fun of X behind his/her back about his/her nerdiness and clumsiness to suddenly find out I was making fun of a handicapped person. What an awful person I am. I don’t want to be around X anymore cuz it reminds me I’m an awful person that made fun of a handicapped person. It’s much easier to just ignore them now, because OMG what would I do if they actually wanted to communicate with me or worse, be real friends?”

Aspies tend to see the black and white, i.e., Tell the whole truth OR lie my face off. Sometimes I think that makes it easier for us. We don’t have to deal with little white lies, the grey area…etc. NTs have to make all these decisions somewhere in the middle. Of course, they seem to do it effortlessly…..

By: misfit

misfit — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 00:51:02 +0000

You are so brave! I’m self-diagnosed, if that, and have only “come out” IRL to two people, those closest to me, who took it well and said it could explain a lot! I used to answer quite truthfully when people asked “how are you?” and remember having to be sat down and told in no uncertain terms when I was about 15 that when someone asks how you are they DON”T really want to know, and the correct answer is “fine thanks” AND one is supposed to ask how they are too even if you don’t give a hoot really… fast forward to now and I have learnt to keep my cards pretty close to my chest for a number of reasons, nosiness and jealousy and not wanting to give anyone cause for Schadenfreude being front and centre in some cases.
So thank you for your courage and for sharing your journey and for providing this little haven in cyberspace .

By: Kate

Kate — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 00:02:58 +0000

I think you did the right thing. Man, I cant stand not being honest about myself. I have on several occasions brought up Asperger’s with people I barely knew or hadnt’ talked to in years. To me , it’s like, if you’re not OK with this, then I’m not OK with you …. and most of them have been okay with it. Most respond with interest, and want to know more. Several have mentioned having a friend or relative with AS and want to “mine” me for info about AS, which makes me happy as I love to share my knowledge about it. So all in all my coming out about AS has been a largely positive experience. I suppose those who are not okay with it, don’t talk to me, but I haven’t noticed any of them, so…… All the people I care about, tend to respond positively, and I hope it will be the same for you.

By: Stat Mama

Stat Mama — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 16:13:23 +0000

Heh, sounds like me.

First of all, I think it is GREAT that you have come out with your diagnosis in your local community. You are definitely a positive, outspoken person for the job of raising awareness.

That said, I can really very much identify with feeling as if you’ve shared too much about yourself. I’ve learned that people just want the basics, and yet I still feel utterly compelled to share more, the “real” me – not just the superficial. I almost never get a favorable response to this. HIndsight is always 20/20. I’m not a fan of the social dance, either.

I wouldn’t worry about the store just yet. The reasons you mentioned are really valid ones for there being a delay. Also, they may value you being there very much and just want to make sure they respond in a respectful way.

By: Ben

Ben — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 13:16:13 +0000

i sometimes get the same way waiting for a response, especially about things like AS, or, like, the truth.
i know that it’s a good thing to know, too, but i still have anxiety about burning yet another bridge. there are so many
as hard as it sounds, it would be great to just forget about it, then, when you hear something back, it becomes a pleasant surprise! see how easy that was?

Ben