Comments on: Same World, Different Neurologies

By: Taylor Selseth

Taylor Selseth — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 04:25:38 +0000

Sadly this seems very typical of many NTs that work with autistics, they often really are clueless or ignorant, going off of training instead of trying to really understand us.

By: Nathanael

Nathanael — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 02:09:24 +0000

Seriously, I’d probably email the woman at the school this entire blog entry (though not with comments), and say something at the top like “Look, I was hoping to help out kids with autism, but it sounds like you may not be able to deal with high-functioning adults with autism. Could you please reread what I said — I have attached my blog entry about this below — and see if anything which will work for me, which I have specificallly described, will also work for you. I am not kidding.”

And if she thinks you’re angry, well, dammit, she deserves a little bit of a wakeup call. Either you’ll get an apology, you can write it off as a hopeless place to try.

By: Rachel

Rachel — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 15:45:48 +0000

DB, why do you think I started this blog?

By: DonkeyBuster

DonkeyBuster — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 14:22:47 +0000

Ah, bummer about the school. =0( I applaud your valiant effort, however.

Don’cha just love when you’re trying to be simple, straightforward, and open, and others misinterpret (?) that, so something counterintuitive, and then accuse you of all sorts of subversive hidden motives?

The things I’ve been accused of…
and I am left looking at them totally baffled and thinking… Why would anyone go through those kinds of mental contortions? It’s like going to LA from Albuquerque to get to El Paso… Oh wait, Amtrak does that… must be an NT organization. LOL

Rachel, you don’t crave solitude so much as a little sane company.

By: Rachel

Rachel — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 14:02:01 +0000

Ben, you make an excellent point when you say, “I have found that when i have to say ‘no, i need to come in for a meeting only. your suggestion will not work for me’, most NT’s react as though i’m upset or angry. i think this is because most people will only ‘resort’ to honesty and directness when they’ve reached their limit of patience, or getting upset or angry.”

I’m realizing that I can sound tedious or patronizing by trying to spell things out simply and clearly when, ironically, the only reason I’m doing it is to avoid miscommunication! Sometimes, I try to couch my words in deferential phrases like, “If it’s not too much trouble…” or “If you have the time…” so that the other person understands that I’m being friendly, but it doesn’t always work.

In this case, I figured that because I was writing to someone who works with autistic people, being direct and clear would be the most effective approach, but I was wrong.

At times like this, I crave solitude.

By: Vincent

Vincent — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 16:20:30 +0000

Hi Rachel,

Wow, I’ve struggled through similar processes most of my life without having support, validity and guidance. What can be comforting (our sharp awareness) can be our greatest source of frustration too, so I find myself withdrawing from the world more and more when actually I want to find a way to integrate without getting over stimulated to death.

Vincent

By: Ben

Ben — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 12:20:59 +0000

Saja – re: the skewering. i see that now, and how appropriate , and how correct to point out that the personality goes some way to determining what we see and what we do with it. i don’t see aspies as all wonderfully accepting super-people. i’m annoyed by 90% of most of the public i meet, can’t see why aspies would be any different. i mean, it’s not as if we’re all the same, right?

I still rant at least once a week about how ridiculous the TOM is. do NT’s REALLY read each others’ minds????
obviously, they do not. they just make a guess, like i do. they might be better at it sometimes, or faster, maybe. they certainly get it wrong at least as many times as they get it right. can a statistician tell us how meaningful that is?
i think what is happening with most NT’s is an agreed-upon social conduct contract, unspoken, that smoothes things out. complete honesty and bluntess is a PR and diplomacy nightmare, which may have been where this social/neurological trait springs from.

and Lizzie, i was thinking the same thing. does anybody on here know if most of the energy in institutions like this is devoted to helping aspie kids pass? if it works, and these kids have an easier life as a result, who am i to say they shouldn’t get the help, like a learning disability?
i suppose we’ll see in the newest generation of HFA kids when they grow up. i certainly would have benefited from help and understanding when i was young, not sure how i feel about being helped to be like everyone else, though. i’ve heard some of the same discussions among deaf friends regarding cochlear implants, tho i know it’s not the same thing.

By: LizzieK8

LizzieK8 — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 11:39:28 +0000

Ya have to feel for the kids there. If the staff can’t clearly work with articulated needs from an adult, how are they gonna help kids that have trouble expressing needs.

By: Saja

Saja — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 07:40:20 +0000

Ben, you’re right, the naive assumption that other people think and feel the same way you do is fundamentally human, and I think it takes a lot of experience in the world (and a personality that embraces diversity and tolerance) to realize it isn’t true. A lot of people, NT or autistic, tend to continue to operate from the naive assumption. I was just skewering the “Theory of Mind” idea that autistics are the only people who do this. (I don’t know what the Sally-Anne test measures, but it isn’t whether you can understand that other people don’t have the same internal processes you do.)

Rachel – I hadn’t even thought about how approaching someone else at the school would look to your original contact. Doh. Of course that would generate some bad blood, or at least irritation. Sigh. I’m so sorry this isn’t working out…it sounded so exciting.

By: Ben

Ben — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 03:05:40 +0000

also, i was just thinking: most regular people don’t always realize that aspies are being direct with them purposefully. i don’t think they realize how necessary it is for us to do things this way, and what we require in response (even, bafflingly, when we TELL them what we require).
i have found that when i have to say ‘no, i need to come in for a meeting only. your suggestion will not work for me’, most NT’s react as though i’m upset or angry. i think this is because most people will only ‘resort’ to honesty and directness when they’ve reached their limit of patience, or getting upset or angry. it took YEARS for me to figure out why people were assuming upset on my part, in fact, insisting on it, even after i told them i was not. it gets very confusing.