The letter you wrote is akin to what I would say were I collected (composed, calm) & courageous enough. Minor procedures are anything but. Over a decade ago, I had blood tests done & one result indicated I might have low B12. The follow-up for investigating that was a “Schiller’s test” which meant drinking some bad stuff & being examined, none of which was remotely plausible for me to willingly undergo, so I didn’t follow up-and that was the end of that.

I’ll stipulate that my viewpoint is quite “illogical” and “ill-advised”, nonetheless, my emotional state trumps other levels of concern. My “future-brain” fears debilitation (consequences), but my “present-brain” is utterly unable to tolerate “suffer now & survive later” behaviors. The only medical care I endure are visits to gynecologist & to dentist (and I didn’t go there regularly until after I’d already lost several teeth due to neglect), and even those are torment.

I’m all in favor of being healthy, however the required actions are beyond my reach/range. Part of me feels like I survive based on the placebo effect, and were I to see a dr. for a physical, I’d collapse on the spot like an exorcised ghost, once I’d been told that my various systems were failing. My obsessive & pessimistic mind makes it hard enough for me to function with the current problems of which I’m aware & I don’t feel I can handle any more.

I started feeling really sad for you about halfway through your letter, when you were describing how out of commission you’d be from the tests. But your last paragraph tied the rest of the letter up neatly, wrapping it in a context of self-empowerment. Ashlynne is very lucky to have the mother she has, both as a role model and as support in her corner.

Regarding the colonoscopy… unless you have risk factors in your family, I’ve read there’s no need for a yearly colonoscopy at our age. Also, there is an alternative, non-invasive test that has shown to be as effective, though I can’t remember if it was ultrasound or MRI. Anyway, with that powerful search engine balanced on your shoulders, I’m sure you’ll find it out now that you know! =0)