I don’t think for a minute that most people would argue against your giving your son all the tools he needs to manage his life. That’s what all good parents do, whether they have autistic children or neuro-typical children. The tools may be different, but the intent is the same. However, giving your son these tools does not mean that he will “recover” from his autism, any more than teaching my NT daughter to focus on her work was a way to help her “recover” from her neuro-typicality. It was just a life skill I felt it important that she develop,

Your son spins wheels to calm himself. That’s appropriate to his neurology. There is nothing wrong with it, and nothing hopeless about it. He is communicating that he needs to calm his nervous system. It is a very, very normal thing for an autistic child to do. It is also very normal that a parent would want to broaden his or her child’s options for taking care of his sensory needs. To my mind, it has nothing to do with hope or recovery. It simply has to do with parenting a child who has a neurology different from your own.

If the term “recovery from autism” means “hope,” then the implication is still negative, because autism is thereby equated with hopelessness. I know you don’t mean to do that, but that is the impact of the words you’re using.

Do I think my son does justice by sitting and spinning objects all day? Or is he better focused when we do floor time and then he learns fine motor manipulation, he learns shapes and colors and all that other pre-academic stuff they use as a benchmark for the EC programs. Do I stop him from spinning objects? Heck no. But I try to provide other outlets for his sensory needs.

All this other stuff aside. I think it comes down to this, let me know if I’m wrong. You think that by using the word recovery that it implies you are broken. But to me using the word recovery means hope, that one day my son won’t spin objects from dusk to dawn. But be able to use his hands, mind and voice productively. Never would I think my son is broken.

Different roles, different perspectives, understand each other as best we can, is all we can do.

There are numerous people of all sorts in similar positions, whose potential contributions are being utterly wasted. The focus is all wrong (from my perspective), and I am not meant to “recover” from being myself, any more than people in general are meant to “recover” from the human condition. I am not a problem to be solved.

I would never say that someone has to “recover” from their neuro-typicality, even though there are aspects of being neuro-typical that are quite painful to those who are wired that way. For example, I’ve noticed that a lot of neuro-typical people tend to give weight to things like social hierarchies and social rules. As a result, they often find their positions in such hierarchies extremely painful and the rules that govern their lives extremely limiting. Would I therefore suggest that they “recover” from their neurotypicality? No, I wouldn’t. If they asked me, I might suggest that they empower themselves and create a life they enjoy, but that would be it.

Would I like to reduce some of my acute sensory sensitivities? Yes. Do I think there is something wrong with having acute sensory sensitivities? No. I think there is something very right about it. I think there is something very wrong with a culture that does not take people with my kind of sensitivities into consideration and give us a respected place. I think that our society should recover its sanity and reduce the constant and unabated noise and cluttered visuals that follow us everywhere we go. Since that’s a tall order, all I can do is adapt, but I cannot use any language that suggests that something is wrong with a way of experiencing life that permeates every corner of my being.

When I think recover from autism, I don’t want my son to feel pain at loud noises like he obviously does now. If theraputic listening, or any other vestibular therapies is going to alleviate that pain,sure I want him to recover from it!

I prefer the term “cope”, “To cope” meaning to get by and lead a fulfilling life by using our autistic gifts in a world where most people are NTs without going nuts.

Let’s look at Temple Grandin, I’m sure most of you aspies know who she is, but I’ll post her link anyway. http://www.templegrandin.com/templehome.html If Temple’s mother had signed off on her as unrecoverable and institutionalized her, we would not only be missing both a brilliant animal husbander, professor, scholar, but an aspie who can talk about her experiences. Playing to her strengths is what got her her PhD in Animal Husbandry. Because she was not neuro typical, it is said she has a better understanding of animals. Her mother pushing and lobbying to find her services has allowed her to function in the neuro-typical world.

No Autism isn’t a bad word, but it’s a challenge for those who are autistic to wade through the neuro-typical world, why not give them the tools to manage as best as possible? The answer is not autism is damaging, the answer is how can we improve the quality of life for our children? I can’t do nothing. He has to live in the neuro-typical world, and I will give him every opportunity to be successful, just as any other parent would give any other child. Which means playing to strengths, while not forgetting weaknesses.

There is no blanket formula for rearing autistic children. We just do what any other parent does, the best we can.

Not.