Comments on: Reclaiming Purple, Part 2: Forgiveness and Compassionate Understanding http://www.journeyswithautism.com/2009/12/14/reclaiming-purple-part-2-forgiveness-and-compassionate-understanding/ Reports from Life on the Spectrum Fri, 03 Sep 2010 19:04:32 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: DonkeyBuster http://www.journeyswithautism.com/2009/12/14/reclaiming-purple-part-2-forgiveness-and-compassionate-understanding/comment-page-1/#comment-72467 DonkeyBuster Thu, 24 Dec 2009 16:24:29 +0000 http://www.aspergerjourneys.com/?p=3949#comment-72467 Perhaps you might find "Healing Anger" by the Dalai Lama a useful support to your practice. I know I have. =0)< Perhaps you might find “Healing Anger” by the Dalai Lama a useful support to your practice. I know I have. =0)<

]]> By: Rachel http://www.journeyswithautism.com/2009/12/14/reclaiming-purple-part-2-forgiveness-and-compassionate-understanding/comment-page-1/#comment-72437 Rachel Wed, 23 Dec 2009 23:18:45 +0000 http://www.aspergerjourneys.com/?p=3949#comment-72437 Well and beautifully said, DB. I'm so glad to be on the same road. Well and beautifully said, DB. I’m so glad to be on the same road.

]]> By: DonkeyBuster http://www.journeyswithautism.com/2009/12/14/reclaiming-purple-part-2-forgiveness-and-compassionate-understanding/comment-page-1/#comment-72434 DonkeyBuster Wed, 23 Dec 2009 22:21:11 +0000 http://www.aspergerjourneys.com/?p=3949#comment-72434 I was finally able to forgive my mother in my 30's, when I finally, totally got that there was something seriously wrong with her--after I had asked her if there was anything, anything at all that she liked about me and after thoughtful consideration she replied, quietly and calmly, that nothing came to mind. Not just what kind of mother, but what kind of person can say something like that? Whatever link of craving for her approval or acceptance or whatever the hell it was broke for me right then, right there, and my own life truly began. I pitied her that she had experienced life in such a way, that somehow (through wiring or experience) she had come to a place where she could so completely turn away from simple kindness. I continued to stay away from her, because she was a cruel woman, but I ceased to feel the anger, hatred, and craving that had characterized our relationship up to that point--the actual source of my suffering, not her--and began to feel compassion and sorrow for her, a much more open, generous, and healing feeling. In the end, I was the one to care for her during her last days, when she was quickly declining from a series of strokes, and though there were moments when I still wanted to just slap her (No, you can't drive!) it was more a momentary flash of frustration and I genuinely grieved her passing because she had lost any opportunity to heal her heart, to find her own kindness, generosity, or acceptance. Her chances were done, it was over and whatever wounds she bore burdened her to the end. She had a kindness in her, but life had damaged her too much for her to take the risk of being vulnerable. I hope better for all of us. I was finally able to forgive my mother in my 30′s, when I finally, totally got that there was something seriously wrong with her–after I had asked her if there was anything, anything at all that she liked about me and after thoughtful consideration she replied, quietly and calmly, that nothing came to mind. Not just what kind of mother, but what kind of person can say something like that? Whatever link of craving for her approval or acceptance or whatever the hell it was broke for me right then, right there, and my own life truly began. I pitied her that she had experienced life in such a way, that somehow (through wiring or experience) she had come to a place where she could so completely turn away from simple kindness. I continued to stay away from her, because she was a cruel woman, but I ceased to feel the anger, hatred, and craving that had characterized our relationship up to that point–the actual source of my suffering, not her–and began to feel compassion and sorrow for her, a much more open, generous, and healing feeling.

In the end, I was the one to care for her during her last days, when she was quickly declining from a series of strokes, and though there were moments when I still wanted to just slap her (No, you can’t drive!) it was more a momentary flash of frustration and I genuinely grieved her passing because she had lost any opportunity to heal her heart, to find her own kindness, generosity, or acceptance. Her chances were done, it was over and whatever wounds she bore burdened her to the end.

She had a kindness in her, but life had damaged her too much for her to take the risk of being vulnerable.

I hope better for all of us.

]]> By: LizzieK8 http://www.journeyswithautism.com/2009/12/14/reclaiming-purple-part-2-forgiveness-and-compassionate-understanding/comment-page-1/#comment-72004 LizzieK8 Tue, 15 Dec 2009 12:23:27 +0000 http://www.aspergerjourneys.com/?p=3949#comment-72004 I have the same feelings about my mother. What I finally accepted is that she was mean to me, but that she also is wired differently and so it may not have been deliberate. With that said, she's still mean so I am not around her. I think I've seen her twice in the last 30 years. I'm okay with that as I refuse to be around abusive people. Accept that your mother is different, that she may not be totally responsible for how you interpret her actions towards you, and then stay away from her so she can't do anything to you in the future. I have the same feelings about my mother. What I finally accepted is that she was mean to me, but that she also is wired differently and so it may not have been deliberate. With that said, she’s still mean so I am not around her. I think I’ve seen her twice in the last 30 years. I’m okay with that as I refuse to be around abusive people.

Accept that your mother is different, that she may not be totally responsible for how you interpret her actions towards you, and then stay away from her so she can’t do anything to you in the future.

]]> By: Gavin Bollard http://www.journeyswithautism.com/2009/12/14/reclaiming-purple-part-2-forgiveness-and-compassionate-understanding/comment-page-1/#comment-71987 Gavin Bollard Tue, 15 Dec 2009 04:35:51 +0000 http://www.aspergerjourneys.com/?p=3949#comment-71987 Being able to forgive and move on is at least as much about the person doing the forgiving as the person being forgiven. I'm glad you're able to reclaim purple. Being able to forgive and move on is at least as much about the person doing the forgiving as the person being forgiven. I’m glad you’re able to reclaim purple.

]]> By: Ben http://www.journeyswithautism.com/2009/12/14/reclaiming-purple-part-2-forgiveness-and-compassionate-understanding/comment-page-1/#comment-71986 Ben Tue, 15 Dec 2009 03:56:29 +0000 http://www.aspergerjourneys.com/?p=3949#comment-71986 sending purple waves of love, along with lavender, puce, aubergine, periwinkle, lilac, amethyst, royal, heliotrope, mauve, orchid, plum, and violet. sending purple waves of love, along with lavender, puce, aubergine, periwinkle, lilac, amethyst, royal, heliotrope, mauve, orchid, plum, and violet.

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