Comments on: On a Downward Slide

By: Jennifer Gardner

Jennifer Gardner — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 21:37:15 +0000

What a beautiful conundrum. . . When your daughter is older, she will remember this as one of the most poignant moments of her life. She is truly loved.

By: Rachel

Rachel — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 17:26:18 +0000

Thanks so much to everybody for your kind and healing words.

I liked Sue’s idea about attending Ash’s dress rehearsals, so I suggested it to Ash, but…no go. When the students do the actual performance, she said, the lights are on them, so they can’t see anyone in the audience. For the dress rehearsal, though, she’d see me there, and it would make her feel self-conscious and nervous. I also suspect that she doesn’t want to be the only one whose mom shows up for the dress rehearsal. It’s not that she’s embarrassed by my being autistic; far from it. It’s that she’d feel embarrassed that her mom was there at all.

I understand. I was a teenager, too, once upon a time

So, I’m going to make sure that someone makes a DVD of both performances, and then we can watch them as a family.

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 17:06:35 +0000

love and hugs from me too, Rachel!

It’s human to feel sad sometimes- but these times will pass.

By: suebeedee

suebeedee — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 14:24:53 +0000

Hey again,
I was thinking Rachel could you mange the dress rehearsal? You could settle in the back somewhere it should be significantly less stimulating then the play nights. Just a thought. Hope you are doing a bit better.

By: misfit

misfit — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 14:14:05 +0000

Sorry to hear you’ve hit another bump in the road. But I’m happy to know that you’re working things out to give something and get something out of your daughter’s theatrical debut – you’re helping her with her lines, and with the DVD you’ll be able to see how it goes without having to go through all the sensory distress.
I hope the job-seeking goes well too – please keep us posted on that I think you should add this website to your portfolio, and add research to your skills because this website shows how much work you put into finding out a lot of info and resources on ASD.
Take care. This too will pass.

By: Johanna

Johanna — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 21:42:08 +0000

Loads of virtual hugs and hopefully you find a job you like. And best luck to your daughter with the plays!

By: eaucoin

eaucoin — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 19:27:04 +0000

If you need to grieve and are finding it hard to let it out, you could rent a sad movie. I recommend Roman Holiday with Audrey Hepurn. Then you can have a good cry without feeling self-indulgent. That sometimes works for me. It might help you to get through the sad feelings. Also, look how many friends you have.

By: John Dale Lyons

John Dale Lyons — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 17:03:59 +0000

I also suffer from depression and anxiety, so I can relate (in addition to Aspergers and ADD). Hang in there. Things will get better soon. Much love, from your friend.

By: bluedancer

bluedancer — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 05:59:26 +0000

i just wanted to thank you for this post and all your blog posts. i see my own struggles in them time and time again. when i read them, i see strength in what you say and do, and i feel a little more hopeful that i can face tha that obstacle also.

By: suebeedee

suebeedee — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 00:31:07 +0000

Sorry you are in pain right now.Often when I get overwhelmed by my emotions, sensitive systems and just crappy life disappointments, I have to force myself to not do anything not try to solve it not make a plan. I remember once a friend had said “ya know what I admire about you……even when things really are quite bad you have a plan.” Well come to find out for me that isn’t so healthy it’s just avoidant and wretched trickery. I think I have some control and I NEED control. If I plan it all to death this crapfest inside my heart will have to just shut up. I am learning that for me it is better to be in real time, ground and comfort and yes feel the pain and grieve. Often when I can pull this off I do feel better quicker less terrified and anxious and worried my life is slipping away. I am reminded my life is this moment. I really understand your heart break over A’s play. You are a great mom and it must really hurt to miss this.
Maybe what you need to do is just have a long cry over that maybe that will really help. My rule is no plan until I’m feeling settled again. Try just feeling upset about missing out on some of A’s play and put the rest of the feelings about why you are missing out aside. Fall into it, fall into your family it will all come around. Many warm hugs your way.