Comments on: Autism, Illusion, and the Power of Despair

By: Rachel Cohen-Rottenberg

Rachel Cohen-Rottenberg — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 19:28:09 +0000

Bluedancer, I think you’ve got it. Everyone who lives long enough finds that they can no longer do what they used to do, so if you base your sense of worth on what you can do, that sense of worth is going to diminish.

I’m realizing that all I brought into the world was who I am, and that’s all I’ll be able to take with me when I go, so I’d better start getting acquainted with just being.

By: bluedancer

bluedancer — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 16:03:03 +0000

this is it. this is what i’ve been fighting. maybe it’s time to let go, just let it be. it’s sort of a paradox, i think, as i read your post. inside the letting-it-be isn’t an unquenchable “i can” (which is what i think my chant should be..) it’s an unquenchable “i am.” it seems so much more essential, and so much less a struggle.

By: Rachel Cohen-Rottenberg

Rachel Cohen-Rottenberg — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 23:23:54 +0000

Thank you all for your words of kindness and support.

Elizabeth’s quote brings to mind a similar one from my tradition: “The only whole heart is a broken one.” In fact, in this month’s hospice newsletter, I just happened upon a passage that cites it:

“A great religious tradition does not deny the pain of loss. In the words of the Kotzker Rebbe, ‘The only whole heart is a broken one.’ No awake spirit can move through this world without enduring a broken heart. There is nothing real that makes life painless. Accepting the pain of living, knowing one’s heart will–and should–be broken, is the beginning of wisdom.”

– from David Wolpe’s “Making Loss Matter: Creating Meaning in Difficult Times”

By: Elizabeth Aucoin

Elizabeth Aucoin — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 18:35:50 +0000

Your piece made me think about one of my favourite quotes. “Broken hearts belong to God.”

By: John Dale Lyons

John Dale Lyons — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 00:50:34 +0000

It sounds to me like you had a moment of Zen enlightenment. Sometimes a void can be a place of tranquility. A very moving piece.

By: Ben

Ben — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 13:30:35 +0000

there seems to be an enormous cultural opposition to allowing ourselves to fear, to feel bad, sad, despondent or despair. maybe they wouldn’t be so crippling if they weren’t prohibited?
i share a similar experience in taking years and time and energy learning how to allow myself to feel what i’m feeling, not in an indulgent, navel-gazing narcissism, but just to feel without judgement, so i can figure out what i am, how i feel and what the hell i want to do next!
brava.

By: LizzieK8

LizzieK8 — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 12:15:18 +0000

I mourned the “Norman Rockwell” family, too, for many years… Once I figured out no one really has that despite the show they put on, I felt better.

You didn’t “loose” your family, Rachel, they lost you! They turned their backs on you. It’s their loss that is so tragic.

” I live in a culture in which we’re always supposed to be happy and comfortable and thinking positively,” That’s what they want us to believe. I don’t think very many people, NT or not actually feel that way. We literal minded folk just believed it!!!!! And mourn that we don’t have it. I really think, for the most part, the rest of them are faking it, too, only they don’t even know it. Which is even sadder than us believing they had it.

And begin again, my friend, you shall! Trust me on this one…I’m doing it and it does work.

By: spunkykitty

spunkykitty — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 22:14:37 +0000

this is inspiring and healing for me… i am blessed by your thoughts… indeed, it takes a warrior to carry a broken heart in this world of instant fixes… i have mused on this before, about how the brave are those who fear… and those who do not fear are just in denial or have lost lucidity of mind… then they cannot be called brave, can they?… thanks rachel… your insights are brave, deep and resonant…