This is what we know, when you tell us of your fondest hopes and dreams for us: that your greatest wish is that one day we will cease to be, and strangers you can love will move in behind our faces.
—Jim Sinclair, Don’t Mourn For Us
Most of you have heard about the case of Saiqa Akhter, the woman in Texas who allegedly murdered her two autistic children, Zain (age 5) and Faryaal (age 2). In her 911 call, she described trying to force them to drink bathroom cleaner and, when they refused to swallow it, strangling them with a length of wire. Zain died later that day; Faryaal was placed on life support and died the following evening. In explaining why she had killed her children, she said “Both are autistic. I don’t want my kids to be like that. I want normal kids.”
The deaths of these two children are a tremendous loss, but you’d hardly know it to read the responses of “autism experts,” who spend more time bemoaning the stress on the mother than the horrific nature of her actions. For example, Marguerite Colston, vice president of constituent relations at the Autism Society of America, told ABCNews.com, “That a family got to that point of stress is unfortunately not uncommon…The stress levels on parents [of autistic children] are extraordinarily high,” she said, noting that one study found that “stress levels were comparable to combat soldiers…You’re now a case manager and a specialist, and it’s almost like you’re not a parent anymore.”
This kind of statement blames the victim. I will not argue the fact that the stress of raising an autistic child can be extreme. What I will argue against is the idea that an autistic child creates stress that somehow explains the taking of that child’s life. I’m troubled by the fact that people look for “extenuating circumstances” when an autistic child is killed, but rarely when a non-autistic (or otherwise non-disabled) child is killed. In the latter cases, most of the time, the mother is painted as a monster, and there is no attempt to explain her actions at all.
Take the case of Susan Smith, who killed her two (apparently typical) children in 1994 by strapping them into their car seats and sending her car into a lake. I can’t remember a single “expert” saying that her being a single parent, or being involved in a sexual relationship with her stepfather, or having a history of depression, explained her actions. The single parenthood, incestuous relationship, and mental health issues were almost universally seen as moral failings on her part, aspects of her life that she could have changed and overcome by an act of moral courage and sheer force of will. She was condemned for what she did, and that was the end of the story.
Nor can I recall a case in which a minority woman killed her children and an expert attempted to explain it, with a straight face and on the national news, as the logical outcome of circumstances such as isolation, racism, a family history of abuse, urban violence, and poverty. These are circumstances that mirror battleground conditions far more acutely, and for far more people on the planet, than the stress of raising an autistic child and yet, the outcry against using the “race card” would be immediate were anyone to try to use these circumstances to explain killing one’s children. And rightly so. So why is there so little outcry against people using the “autistic card” to explain the deaths of two innocent disabled children?
Could it be that so few people see autistic children as “innocent”? Could it be that autistic children are stigmatized with words like “unemotional,” “lacking in empathy,” and “inhuman,” language that makes it nearly impossible to see the children as the actual living, breathing, whole human beings they are?
Equally troubling is the fact that so many people seem willing to ascribe the killing of the children to the mental illness of a lone individual, rather than to the social and cultural messages acted out by that individual. In responding to the deaths of Zain and Faryaal Akhter, Dr. John Lutzker, director of the Center for Healthy Development at Georgia State University, said that raising autistic children can result in mental health issues for parents: “Parents who have children with autism have disproportionate stress and depression compared with the general population,” he said. “It seems like this woman may have some other issues that went undetected.”
While I can’t pretend to know what went on in the mind of a mother who slowly killed her children by strangling them with a piece of wire, there are many other possible explanations for her behavior besides mental illness, explanations that have everything to do with the underlying messages of the society at large—a belief that her children weren’t whole people, a sense of entitlement to a “normal” life, a lack of empathy for her children’s acute experience of the world, and a general sense that life had cheated her by not fulfilling her dreams. I’m troubled to read so many people say that she must have been insane when there are very deep-seated, widely accepted social beliefs implied by her words. I suspect that it’s easier to think that the individual must be insane than to look at society’s beliefs about the worth of autistic people, how dangerous those beliefs are, and how deeply they are entrenched in the minds of so many people.
With all the concern for the difficulties of the mother, where is the concern for the difficulties of the children? Where is the empathy for their acute experience of the world? Why does no one say that there are rational, explicable, understandable reasons for their behavior—reasons that put the burden on their mother to protect them every day of their lives? Where are the voices explaining the struggles of autistic children everywhere?
By her own admission, Saiqa Akhter killed Zain and Faryaal because she wanted “normal” children. She killed them because they were autistic. She killed them because she didn’t want the children life had given her. Far from simply being the actions of a lone and troubled individual, her decision to end the lives of her children speaks volumes about how our society sees people who are different from a mythical “norm.” In fact, it speaks volumes about the very power of the word “normal” and its insidious impact upon all of our lives.
© 2010 by Rachel Cohen-Rottenberg
Very well put, Rachel. I’m also troubled by the labelling of insanity or mental illness in these cases, I have even read autistic people categorizing acts this way and this perpetuates sanism, working against the efforts of mad activists fighting a very similar fight against dehumanization and discrimination and violence.
As you so well put it:
I’m troubled to read so many people say that she must have been insane when there are very deep-seated, widely accepted social beliefs implied by her words. I suspect that it’s easier to think that the individual must be insane than to look at society’s beliefs about the worth of autistic people, how dangerous those beliefs are, and how deeply they are entrenched in the minds of so many people.
It’s very much easier to equate murder with insanity, and it speaks to how entrenched the view is of mad people as violent, senseless, unpredictable, and without morality.
In the trope of normal, unfortunately, ‘abnormal’ becomes a vast dumping ground for all kinds of things people don’t care to understand. I think those of us rattling around in that wasteland, in the process of reclaiming ourselves and our voices, need not step on one another to achieve social change.
I love your blog. Thank you for your voice.
Karen
Rachel,
While I do try to feel for the mother as well, you’re right. People do tend to excuse the parents of ASD children more than they do the parents of NT children.
I can’t help thinking that it could have been avoided had more support been offered but … there’s every reason to believe that a mother, especially a NT mother, might be “too proud” to accept support.
I don’t know what the answer is. There’s really no black and white in the mother’s case and saying “IF ONLY” doesn’t really help. Of course, the children are different. There’s black and white there. What happened to them is evil regardless of who did it or how.
This is an interesting take on this tragic event. I happen to think that this woman had some untreated psychological problem. According to this article,”It is unclear why the 30-year-old mother thought her 2-year-old daughter was not “normal.” Also, the mother’s uncle verified only that the son was autistic. I suffer from depression, and understand the stigma associated with mental illness. But I believe we are hard wired by nature, not to harm our offspring. So when someone does, there must be an untreated problem with the wiring.
That said, I had never given thought to how society’s attitudes toward Autism could contribute to the excuse making you mention. I recently wrote about an appallingly flippant comment one parent recently made to the news media regarding this very issue. It’s amazing to me that anyone would excuse such a heinous crime by blaming the victim in this manner.
I want to thank you for this post, and presenting to me a new perspective that I had not considered before. You’ve given me much to think about.
It’s the first I have heard of this story, very sad
.
The mother’s actions cannot be condoned, but I am sure there is much more to the story. Going by the names, I would hazard a guess that the family comes from a culture (Indo-Pak, Muslim of one stripe or another) where disability is regarded as something ‘shameful’ and families often conceal a family member with a disability. Mental illness also carries a huge stigma, so is swept under the carpet; if the mother was depressed or had any other mental health issue, she may not have been able to find help or treatment. If she is an immigrant with limited English language skills, she is unlikely to have had access to help and support before things got this bad. She may also have encountered racist treatment or hostility for being Muslim. No mention is made of a husband — was she divorced and left to struggle alone? did the husband blame her for the children’s ‘imperfections’? All horribly likely factors.
There was a recent story, also from Texas, where an autistic boy (of a different ethnic background) was asked to leave a mosque because he was ‘being disruptive’ — actually, he wasn’t, he was quietly repeating the words of the call to prayer, which is strongly encouraged.
The good news is that people’s attitudes *are* beginning to change and it is people with disabilities who are doing the talking and educating others on these issues. As I understand it, Islam itself does *not* condone these ignorant attitudes but some cultures do.
Any way you look at it, it is certainly not the victims’ fault.
I think this is a tragic case but, society has not adequately stepped to the plate recognizing autism as a disability covered by the ADA. For me certain environments are torture – including most retail and public buildings. I can only imagine the difficulty a mom would have bringing children to a supermarket, shopping mall or pharmacy.
Here in Florida the environment is actually hostile towards those (adults, and parents of children) who behave outside the norm, even if the behavior of “normal” members of society has provoked a meltdown. This is bullying at its most subtle worst, particularly since it is a way to criminalize the innocent and ignoring the collective stake in the issue.
Prior to my diagnosis in December 2009, at age 53, I had no shortage of doctors and therapists lining up to poke, prod and charge my insurance. After my diagnosis, no one will touch me because the fortune 500 company I work for has a self-funded insurance plan administered by Empire Blue Cross that legally excludes any coverage for autism for anyone older than nine years old. Until the whole human community takes ownership of the issue and stops throwing autistics under the bus, these problems will continue.
By giving the mom a pass society soothes its own collective conscience.
I think the only reasonable conclusion we can make from this story is that neurotypicals aren’t capable of empathy. Wait, that was an unfair, judgmental, broad stroke tarring everybody with the same brush. Actually it may be that neurotypicals have trouble experiencing empathy when they are not properly informed. So keep up the good blog, Rachel! Evidently we still have a long row to hoe.
in a re-reading of the blog, i noticed that the quoted physician is the director of the center for healthy development. i don’t know anything about the organization. but i do wonder about the name of it, i do wonder about its meaning.
what are the standards for health for autistic children?
the assumption (in the culture at large) seems to be that healthy development means, in part, “freedom from autism.” the next logical step is to believe that if one is on the spectrum, health or “normality” is impossible.
i appreciate that the mother’s stress is being acknowledged. but the general silence around her stated reason for killing them is a little too deafening.
Bluedancer, I noticed that, too and consider it highly ironic. To me “healthy development” means accepting diversity, of whatever variety, and not making excuses for people who don’t, but of course, I’m autistic and so don’t really understand these things. I always wait for the authorities to tell me what’s what.
[...] Cohen-Rottenberg’s Disabilism and the Demonization of Autistic Children first appeared at Journeys With Autism and is republished here with [...]