Last week, we received a fundraising letter in the mail from a local agency that serves people with developmental disabilities and mental health issues. It’s a very good organization that we wholeheartedly support, but the letter contained a moment of “us and them” thinking that I could not let go unanswered. And so, as the ASAN-VT chapter leader, I wrote and sent the following letter to the executive director. (I’ve changed her name for the purposes of this post.)
December 1, 2010
Dear Ms. Graham,
This week, I received your fundraising letter in the mail. My husband and I intend to send in a contribution to your organization, as we fully support all the great work that you are doing.
I was troubled, however, by the following sentence in the second-to-last paragraph of your letter:
“We have found, over and over again that people with disabilities want the same thing that you and I want—family and friends, being connected to their community, and meaningful employment.”
The phrase “you and I” is set off in contrast to “people with disabilities,” as though the reader addressed as “you” could not possibly be a person with disabilities. Many of us who are disabled receive and read your letters, and being excluded from the audience of the letter does not engender a feeling of connection to our community.
Words have a great deal of power. Given that one in five Americans is disabled, and that all of us run the risk of becoming disabled at some point in our lives, we must remember that there is no “us” and “them” here. We are all in this together.
Sincerely yours,
Rachel Cohen-Rottenberg
Chapter Leader
Autistic Self Advocacy Network of Vermont
I’ll let you know whether I receive an answer.
© 2010 by Rachel Cohen-Rottenberg
Yeah, instead of “you and I”, they should have said “people with disabilities want the same thing that everyone wants”. No need to draw lines between people.
Well said, Clay. In a fund-raising letter emphasizing the necessity for inclusion, drawing a line between “us” and “them” is so ironic that it’s painful.
Well said BOTH of you! And a great big,
YOU GO GIRL!!! to Rachel.
I knew I liked you two.
Thanks, Laura! I appreciate the kudos.
I suspect you won’t hear from them… you’ve just raised something which goes in the “too hard” basket.
Also, why would you necessarily expect a reply?
You’ve made a statement, not asked a question.
They don’t need to reply, they just need to factor your input in when they next do a mail out.
I wouldn’t say I’m expecting a reply. I’m hoping for one, though, mainly as an acknowledgment of the issue I’ve raised. Whether my letter has any actual impact will become clear when I receive other mailings from the organization and see whether anything has changed.
it’s one of those phrasings that reveals a lot about the person(s) making it, and i think, goes largely unnoticed.
i think most people make these ‘you and i’ statements unconsciously, and kudos for making sure it gets noticed next time.
asking someone who’s working for the public, and in the public eye, to think about what they’re writing is helpful for everybody involved, and anybody with half a brain and half a heart will appreciate perspective. especially when it’s stated so clearly, concisely and kindly. nobody who’s made a gaffe wants to be treated like an idiot, and it’s best to assume the person you’re talking to is a decent sort, rather than go in with guns-a-blazin.
I agree. The majority of the fundraising letter was actually quite good, and the organization does great work, so I thought it important to give credit where credit is due.
Nicely, nicely done. I bet you do get a response — you’ve just given her some incredibly valuable feedback, in a concise and well-articulated package. With the promise of a donation, yet.
Of course, it’s not so much about the response as it is about changing the perspective and language choices for the future… but still. If you get a personal response, it means that someone has to craft that response, which means that someone has to actually think about what you wrote. Here’s hoping!
Thanks, JoyMama. I tried to be as supportive as possible so that the person would feel inclined to consider the issue and respond to the letter. We’ll see what happens!
You handled this nicely, Rachel. I am glad you didn’t let it slip by. I will look at any requests for donations more closely in the future to see how widespread this is.
Thanks, Born2bme. The more of us who speak up, the better!
Rachel, Rachel, in so many ways I love your blog, our stories are so similar, and yet different. I appreciate you spotting the “us vs. them” attitude in the disability community. I love doing the same thing – I spot this kind of attitude, spending hours obsessing about what to do, and finally coming up with a pithy response lightly seasoned with snark. For me the cherry on top of this sundae is being able to tell others of my great wit and response to a perceived insult.
Seriously, I get it, I was diagnosed almost a year ago and since that time have been subject to stigmatization, marginalization and gas lighting. It hurts, and hurt people hurt people, and I love gloating over being the one who delivers the zingers.
If there is anything to be learned from ABA and the whole BS Skinner (I have trouble distinguishing constantans, and love using it as an excuse to make a dig) approach is that I don’t want to change and be like them. I am sure you recognize the opposite is true too – they don’t want to be like me either.
The whole thing is best summarized in my favorite quote from the Sound of Music “Give me the Gun Rolf, you will never be one of them.”
Don’t ever change.
Thanks, Dan.
I hope that my letter helps to move forward the healing of the “us and them” divide. There is a great line from Talmud that says, “It is not up to you to complete the task, but neither are you free to desist from it altogether.” So I try to do my part, knowing that it’s just one part of a much larger effort to fix what’s broken.