It’s been a very intense weekend in our house, in a very good way: my daughter Ashlynne made her final decision about which college she wants to attend, and she finished her senior project, the culmination of a year’s worth of work.
Ash applied to seven colleges and was accepted into six of them. After much thought, and angst, and worry, and indecision, she finally went with her first choice all along, and accepted admission into the University of California at Santa Cruz.
Huzzah!
I am so overjoyed for her. She went out to visit UC Santa Cruz this past November, and she loved it there. She loved the ocean, the redwoods, the beauty of the campus, the classes she attended, the people she met, and the town itself. But since she had offers from other colleges, she wasn’t sure on what basis to make a decision. What ultimately became clear was that Ash needed to follow her heart.
As we worked through the decision-making process, I shared with her how I ended up at UC Berkeley. My first two years of college, I went to Princeton. I had worked, and worked, and worked so hard to get into an Ivy League school. I had overachieved like crazy. I had studied for my SATs and my college boards until my eyes had nearly fallen out. I had read all the books about the different colleges. And I had worried so much, for so long, about making the right choice.
Then I went to Princeton, and it was complete disaster in almost every way. Socially, it was a wasteland. Intellectually, I found a troubling lack of curiosity. Ethnically, I encountered way too much anti-Semitism. And geographically, I was stuck a tiny little affluent town, and I wanted to see the wider world.
At the end of my sophomore year, I went out to Berkeley with my roommate, whose family lived there. The visit was only supposed to last a summer, but as soon as I crossed the Sierras from Nevada to California, it felt like a homecoming. At the end of the summer, I went back to Princeton for three weeks, but my heart was calling out for the Bay Area, and I knew it was the place I was supposed to be. So I went back to California, worked some minimum wage jobs, paid my way, made some friends, smoked some cigarettes, drank some espresso, and found myself a home. For awhile, I never even considered going back to school.
After a year and a half, though, I was bored to death serving up fries and wiping up runny noses (no, not on the same day), so I decided to go back to college. Unlike the first time, I didn’t fret over it. I didn’t consult lots of books about available programs. And I didn’t wonder whether I was about to screw up my entire life by making the wrong decision.
All I wanted to do was to get a college degree. So I looked around, noticed that there was this university called UC Berkeley, about which I knew nothing, right in the neighborhood, and I thought, “Hey, I’ll apply there!” And I did, and I had a great experience there.
Everything that’s come into my life after that point has come about because I followed my heart and went to college in a place I loved. I loved it so much there that I got a master’s degree as well, which led to the job at which I met my first husband, which led to Ashlynne’s coming into the world. And having Ashlynne has brought about so many decisions that have landed us all in the good place we are today. I followed my own path, and so much has come of it — including sitting in Ashlynne’s room, working out which place she wanted to go to school, and encouraging her to dream her dreams.
Ashlynne has always felt that Santa Cruz was the place she wanted to be, for so many reasons that go above and beyond the university itself. So even if the place doesn’t measure up to her dream of it (and what place does?), something good will come of it, I am sure. It will propel her on the path that’s hers, the path with heart.
I’m very proud of my kid and all she’s accomplished. But her accomplishments pale in comparison to who she is as a person. She’s kind, she’s sensitive, she’s ethical, she’s compassionate, and she’s a loyal and caring friend. Those are the things I most value about her, and I’m so proud of all the ways in which she brings light and beauty into the lives of the people around her.
© 2011 by Rachel Cohen-Rottenberg
A beautiful post on many levels, Rachel.
Thank you, Bruce.
Lovely post and yay to your daughter; I hope her experiences at Santa Cruz are rich and varied.
I’m sure they will be. It’s just that sort of place.
Tell her a whole bloggy community wishes her well!
She’ll know before I tell her. She reads my blog.
Yup! And thanks for the post, Mom! And thank you all for the well-wishes.
You’re welcome, Ash! Love you!
Have you read A Path With Heart by Jack Kornfield?
No, I haven’t. It sounds great, though. I was thinking of the lines from Carlos Castaneda:
“Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn’t, it is of no use. Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart, the other doesn’t. One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it. The other will make you curse your life. One makes you strong; the other weakens you.”
Congrats to her! I was born and raised in Santa Cruz, and it’s pretty much my favorite place in the world. And my mom’s a professor at UCSC, in the psych dept– it’s a fantastic school and I hope your daughter loves it!
Wow! A Santa Cruz native! How lucky you are.
I have such good memories of Santa Cruz — going to the beach, hanging around town, going for hikes. For a couple of summers when I was in grad school, I spent a week teaching and learning at The Dickens Project there. It’s such a beautiful place.
So beautiful. I’m glad your daughter is following her heart and you are so supportive of her decision. You’ve raised and taught her well.
Thank you, Lizbeth! She’s a wonderful person.
Congratulations to Ashlynne!
I agree so much about following your heart–there’s just no magic, “right” formula that will make you successful or happy if you’re not at peace with where and who you really are.
Absolutely, chavisory. You’ve said it so well.
Mazal tov! I’m sure she’ll make us proud!
Thanks, John. Hope you had a wonderful Passover!
Such a beautiful post, Rachel! Mazel Tov!!!
Thanks, Laura. Now I have to start making plans to visit her out there!
If I am still in the Bay area when you visit (hopefully, I will be!), then perhaps we can meet! Though I’ve lived for six years in SF and the East Bay, I’ve not yet been to Santa Cruz. This post is really making me regret that omission.
As you know, I’ve had such problems finding and keeping a job in SF–I want to make a home there, but don’t know if I can.
I love everything you write about Ashlynne and about your wonderful relationship. I think I’ve written this before, but it makes me wish you could adopt me, though we’re almost the same age.
Congratulations and best wishes to Ashlynne! I know she will flourish at UCSC, and will make a wonderful slug.
I’d love to meet up! I plan on a fairly long stay this coming winter, and since Ash will be kinda busy, I will have plenty of time.
And for those who don’t know, the mascot of UC Santa Cruz is the banana slug. Don’t you love a school with a sense of humor like that?
Such a lovely post between mother and daughter and what a wonderful and encouraging mom you are, Rachel. Ashlynne is beautiful (I see her avatar in her comment). My step daughter went to UC Santa Cruz and it is, indeed a beautiful campus. It is the perfect environment in which to learn.
Hi Karen, thanks for your sharing your step-daughter’s positive experience at Santa Cruz. It does my heart good!
How wonderful for her! She sounds like such an amazing young woman, and I loved hearing more of your story as well.
Thanks, AM! Ash has always been a joy.
What a wonderful tribute!
I also advise following the heart. For a lot of things, I stress and plan and plan and stress and then, finally, plan and stress and act.
Sometimes even big decisions can be made impulsively and be right. My college experience is an example. My current decision to pursue a ground-floor level employment opportunity instead of continuing to build my business is another.
Our hearts can lead us for reasons our minds don’t always understand–but our hearts are right more often than not.
I completely agree, Stephanie. Whenever I ignore my heart — or my instincts — I generally regret it.
Rachel,
I am so glad Ashlynne is following her heart. I told you before, you have raised a fine young
woman.
Thank you, Sue! I’m going to miss her like crazy when she goes off to college, but I’m looking forward to visiting.