Journeys with Autism

Archive for Happiness

I Finished It!

April 16, 2009 Rachel Fiber Art, Happiness, Making Art, Visual/Spatial Skills

My sweater, that is. My very first sweater!

I learned so much from working on this sweater. I figured out how to shape a collar, how to block the pieces, how to knit the shoulders together, and how to seam. I had planned to get help from the nice lady at the yarn store, but then I decided it would be more fun (and a better learning experience) to do everything myself. Typical Aspie, I know, but what can I do?

It’s actually chilly enough tonight for me to wear it. Our mornings have been below freezing lately, so I might get a little more wear out of it before spring begins in earnest. I’d much rather have the spring start already, but since it’s taking its time, the sweater is a nice consolation prize.

7 comments

Success!

April 10, 2009 Rachel Anxiety, Communication, Happiness, Judaism and Jewish Life, Marriage, Sensory Processing Issues, Social Gatherings, Weighted Blankets

Well, I’m amazed, but I made it through our Passover seders in one piece, and I’m feeling pretty good.

On Wednesday, we were able to get all the cleaning and other preparation done with time to spare, thanks in no small part to all you wonderful people who extended so much kindness and support. On Wednesday night, we had a mini-seder for our immediate family–my husband, my daughter, and myself. We had the ritual foods, said the blessings, and then spent a lot of time singing songs from the haggadah.

We decided on a mini-seder because, a few years back, we had two full seders at our house and decided never to do it again. Basically, the first one left us running on fumes for the second one. So this year, our homemade, doing-it-our-way first-night seder was perfect for us.

We had invited guests over for our second-night seder, so yesterday, we got the house prepared. I set the table, got out the haggadahs, put out the seder plates, and made the matzo ball soup. My daughter helped my husband chop up apples and walnuts for the charoset (a mixture of apples, walnuts, and grape juice that my daughter could eat 24/7), and my husband prepared the chicken.

At one point in the afternoon, I began feeling very apprehensive and irritable, and it occurred to me that I needed to clarify my role in the seder. So I told my husband that since singing is very soothing to me, I would like to lead all the singing, while he could take charge of navigating us through all the ritual.

It took some time for me to explain to him what I needed, and it took some time for him to say that he didn’t want me to blame him if I had a bad time. Yes, I’m sorry to say, we’ve been there before with the blame thing. We’d go to a social gathering, and I’d feel excluded and expect him to make everything all right. When he didn’t, I’d get upset with him. This time, I reassured him that however the evening went, I wouldn’t blame him and that I wasn’t interested in tapping into that pattern again. Been there, done that, enough already. He felt reassured.

I then made one of the best decisions of my life, ever. I took the two weighted blankets we have, brought them up to my loft, put them on the futon, and laid down under 30 pounds of beans and fleece. Then next thing I knew, it was an hour later, and my daughter was knocking on the door, telling me that it was 6:30 pm and that everyone had arrived. I had actually napped! Usually, the best I can do before a social event is to lie down, concentrate on my breathing, and try really hard not to get a migraine or a stomachache. The nap put me in such a calm and grounded mood that I felt ready to meet the world.

There were seven people in attendance: my husband, my daughter, my stepson Elijah, our friends Julia and Tristan, my daughter’s friend Claire, and myself. Because Julia used to be the music teacher at my daughter’s school, she knew my daughter and her friend, and since my stepson teaches at the school, she knew him as well. So everyone there was connected in some way to everyone else. That made for a very good feeling.

There was quite a bit of ritual before dinner, and everyone seemed very engaged. Sometimes at seders, people show up out of obligation, or take on the role of tourist and just watch the proceedings. It can be very tiring to host a seder under those circumstances. Luckily, at this seder, everyone was there by choice and ready to jump in. I took the lead on the singing, and I had a great time with it. Julia is an artist by profession, with a beautiful singing voice, and when she didn’t know a song, she picked up the melody quickly and added some gorgeous harmonies. The dinnertime conversation was very friendly, and then we finished with some really fun seder songs.

I had thought that I’d need to take some breaks during the evening to fend off sensory overload. In fact, I’d planned on it. I had everything set up so that I could go and snuggle under my weighted blanket and calm myself down when I needed to. As it turned out, I didn’t need to take a sensory break. Instead, I found that the sensory protections were built into the evening.

First of all, I decided to wear my weighted OT Vest. I felt a bit self-conscious about wearing a 4-pound vest, but it was a damned sight better than getting a migraine, so I went for it.

Second, the social gathering was held together by a traditional structure laid out in a book. I had forgotten how much any kind of ritual structure wards off sensory overload for me. It always makes me feel calm because I know where I’m going. For Passover, it’s the same routine, every year, and for an Aspie, that is a Very Good Thing.

Third, I had a job to do, leading the singing, so that gave me a significant focus. There aren’t just a few songs scattered throughout the evening. There is at least one song on nearly every page. That held my attention and kept it from getting too diffuse.

Finally, I realized that I could do a lot of work with my hands, which is also very grounding for me. There were a lot of plates to bring back to the kitchen after the first part of the ritual, so as to make room for dinner. Plus, because dinner came in several courses, there were different kinds of food to bring back and forth. I took on the role of making sure that everyone had what they needed, and then I sat down to have dinner, too. Being able to get up and walk around was a good sensory break.

As for the “otherness” factor, it was definitely there. I was aware that I wasn’t keeping up with what people were saying, and that over dinner, with more than one conversation going, it was hard for me to hear all the words. I felt so comfortable with being an oddball, though, that I stopped things every now and then with “What did you say?” or “I don’t understand” or something equally honest about how clueless I felt. No one seemed to give it a second thought, probably because I wasn’t trying extra hard to be “normal.” I was just feeling comfortable being the weird Aspie at the end of the table.

After lots of very fun and raucous singing, we finished a little after 11 pm. Instead of being wired and exhausted and up till the wee morning hours, as I am after most other social gatherings, I actually fell asleep by midnight.

I couldn’t have asked for a better time.

6 comments

Sewing, Knitting, and Baking–Such Fun!

March 8, 2009 Rachel Baking, Fiber Art, Food, Happiness, Judaism and Jewish Life, Making Art, Visual/Spatial Skills

I’ve been having so much fun lately working with my hands. It gives me such a sense of balance and well-being.

Until last week, it had been a long time since I’d done any sewing. My last major sewing project had been a baby blanket I’d designed and sewn by hand when my 16-year-old was an infant. But more recently, I’d had a dress hanging in my closet for a few years, and while I loved the material—a beautiful Guatemalan cotton print—the dress itself had never really suited me. It was a winter dress, with long sleeves, and not all that comfortable. I think I wore it once.

So last week, I realized that it was really okay to take the dress apart and make something else with the fabric. I’m completely in love with Guatemalan fabrics and patterns, so I decided to make something I’d get to look at on a regular basis. But what to make?

Well, first I took one of the panels from the long part of the dress and sewed it into a simple bag. I used the ties that were on the waist of the dress for the over-the-shoulder strap. Here’s how it came out:

Then, I decided to make a skirt from the remaining panels. I think it came out quite well:

I’ve still got some material left. I’m thinking that I’ll save it for making some sort of mobile. Perhaps a set of stars? Not sure, yet.

I’ve also been keeping up with my knitting. Several weeks ago, I bought a knitted 100% silk scarf at the thrift store for $6.00. It was really long, and I figured I’d unravel it and make something out of it. When I got it home, I noticed that it had a mildewy smell, as though it had been in a damp basement for several years. So, I put it through a gentle cycle and then laid it on a towel on top of the radiator to dry. The next morning, I unraveled the scarf and got a giant ball of yarn. The mildewy smell was entirely gone, and about half the ball of yarn became a very soft, fuzzy hat:

I’ve also made some good progress on my sweater project. I’ve got the front and back completed, as you can see:

I’m also nearly finished with one of the sleeves. As soon as I get both sleeves done, I’m going to block the various pieces and then make some time to see Rachel at the yarn store for help with sewing it all together. I’m not really in a rush to get the sweater done before spring. At this point, making the sweater is as much about learning the skills needed as it is about making something to wear.

Today, I’ve put the fiber art aside because we have one of my favorite Jewish holidays coming up: Purim, which begins on Monday night. (If you don’t know about Purim, you can find some good, basic information here. The page even includes a gluten-free recipe!)

In our family, we bake special Purim treats—hamentashen and rugelach—to give to our friends and neighbors. So today, my husband and I spent the afternoon baking. It was a beautiful sunny day outside, and the treats in the oven smelled so delicious! We made a variety of hamentashen, using apricot jelly, raspberry preserves, apple cider jelly, and chocolate chips as filling. Here’s how they look: