Every time I think I’m the only one who has ever said, thought, done, or experienced something odd, I find another Aspie who describes the experience precisely. In the past few weeks, a couple of commenters to this blog have described things that I’d never thought another living soul had ever experienced. I’ll share their comments, in the hopes that others might discover that they are not the only ones, either.
1. In her response to my Like a Deer Caught in the Headlights post, Soph wrote about the experience of being talked at and overwhelmed:
“On one recent occasion I literally did feel as if my brains had been scooped out and this person’s thoughts were all I had in my head. It actually was like brainwashing.”
I couldn’t believe it. She had described exactly how I felt every time I talked to my mother. My mother was quite a relentless talker, and she would talk over, under, around, and through me. It left me feeling like an empty shell holding only her thoughts and feelings. It took many years of recovery and empowerment work to be able to hear my own inner voice.
Even now, I find that when I’m around people who are relentless talkers, who won’t let me get a word in edgewise, or who won’t respond directly to anything I’ve said, I feel just plain lost. It’s like I just go away. Even though I may seem like I’m doing okay, my brain and all my senses are on total and complete overload.
Last week, I had another experience with someone talking at me. I am happy to report that this time, I just got up and walked away. Just like that! I finally realized that I had a very simple choice: I could protect the other person’s feelings, or I could protect my own very sensitive neurological system. I chose wisely.
2. In her response to my post about my second OT visit, Linda wrote about having a sensation of falling when going to sleep at night:
“I sucked two fingers at night until I was fourteen because the stimulation helped balance my system so that I didn’t have strange floating, falling and tipping sensations.”
This comment really knocked me out. As an adult, I have sometimes had the sensation of falling down when I’m falling asleep. I’ll be drifting off to sleep, and then I feel as though I’ve slipped backwards going down a stair or walking off a curb. It feels as though my legs have gone out from under me. I feel weightless, and then, I feel like I’ve hit the ground. I always wake up very startled by this sensation, and I nearly always let out a shout.
I’ve always wondered what this experience is about. I emailed my OT about it, and she said that she had heard similar stories. She didn’t have an immediate answer as to why I would have this experience, but she said she’d ponder some possible explanations. I’m wondering whether it has something to do with my gravitational insecurity. I have an appointment this week, and I’m looking forward to hearing what she has to say.
If you feel so inclined, let me know whether you’ve had experiences similar to the ones I’ve described. It’s been a very great relief to me to know that I’m not the only one.
© 2009 by Rachel Cohen-Rottenberg
